He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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