apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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