Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
