What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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