Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
only you would photoshop your dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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