Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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