how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
