She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
True strength comes from lack of pants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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