She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
