people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
