and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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