My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
