Yo dont text me then not text me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
