i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
