She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As shirtless as possible
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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