all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
