you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
