My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
