I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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