I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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