ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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