At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
