Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize