That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
