Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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