How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
