why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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