Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
