I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
