my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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