Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
