shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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