It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
