In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
