Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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