I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
