You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
