its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
