Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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