Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
