In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
