Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
