so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
two words...techno handjob
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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