3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
