theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
