He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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