1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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