There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
