Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
