is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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