I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
