It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize