I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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