Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize