Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
