I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
