He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
