Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
