Can Purell be used as lube?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize