I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
