Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
