Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
