I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
