My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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