low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
