Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
