I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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