I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
