I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
