So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
