Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so much tequila, so little girl.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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