They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
