It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
