No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Randomize
